there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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