he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
