i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
