Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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