nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think weed is turning my hair brown
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
