I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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