Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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