uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
