k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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