if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
