please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
