He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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