you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
