dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
