You're my little dorito
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't deserve a penis
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
