I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
