If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize