i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
