How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
