No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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