I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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