What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
