Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
from now on my penis is your penis
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
