How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
