please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
