I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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