you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
