Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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