So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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