yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am one with the molecules
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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