Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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