He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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