a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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