so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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