No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
