Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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