ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
