Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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