Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
