Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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