There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
