i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
