so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
