I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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