Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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