ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
