Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
