a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
