I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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