i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
