Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
