Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
